As I look back on my life, I realize everything I have gone through has made me who I am today. Even the moments when I thought life couldn’t get any worse. The times when I thought, how did I get here, how did I allow my life to become this…whatever this was. How the hell did I end up here??? This is not what I thought my life would look like, not what I had planned. Didn’t I deserve more then this? But I kept perpetuating the same cycles of self destruction and expecting different results. That has to be the definition of crazy right! I wanted to forgive all the people I blamed for getting me here and can I tell you it was a long list. But that was part of the problem…blame. I sure as hell did not want to have any responsibility for where I had ended up or how I felt. When you’re hurting, how often do you say ” what is my part it this? “. Well I learned to start asking. It didn’t mean I condoned others negative behaviour but that everything is co-created so I must play apart in everything I experience. So I had to start to forgive myself first. Then I had to realize what I was allowing in my life and how I was allowing others to treat me. If I didn’t like it, it came down to I didn’t believe I deserved any better and that’s what allowed the negative in. That part in itself became easy for me. The hard part, changing the belief that I actually DID deserve more then I had ever offered myself. It can feel like a constant struggle, reminding myself that my worthiness does not depend on the thoughts or feelings of others and if I am not living the life I truly want, I am really just scared. We all live in fear of something. Letting go of the past, moving toward a future we desire, relationships, jobs or lack there of. These are the moments I get quiet. I close my eyes and breathe. I look for the stillness within me that holds the power of the whole Universe. I recognize the fear and love it anyways ( and no I am not perfect at this but my fingers are crossed that one day I will be ). I sit with myself knowing I am never really alone and I pray. Not at the side of a bed on my knees kind of praying ( that just isn’t me ) but I pray within myself. Finding that internal light, the light I was created from. The light that connects me to all things. I ask that light for help. And then….I let go. Let go of the expectation of having all the answers all the time, let go of what I think my life should look like and let go of the fear of being the person I really came here to be. In this moment, take a deep breath, close your eyes and be still. Let the silence surround you, let it encompass you, let it move through you. Find that light even if it is just a tiny flicker somewhere inside you.  Imagine that it is growing, filling up your whole body.  Then let it go beyond you, out into the Universe.

That is what you really are.  Pure love, pure light, you are everything.

Until next time,

Much Love