As I have spoken to many women over the years, I hear the same things over and over again. I feel inadequate, undervalued, unloved, unappreciated, miss understood and unimportant…and my heart breaks.
Where does all of our love go? We give it all away, that’s where.
Somewhere down the line we were told to put everything and everyone else before ourselves. So what’s left??? Absolutely nothing, that’s what.
One of the first things I had to learn on my journey was I had to love myself first. Ya right! But I have a partner, I have kids and what about my friends and family?? And isn’t this my partners job anyway? Isn’t he suppose to love me enough to fix me, make me feel whole, aren’t my kids suppose to fill that void longing within me? Isn’t someone suppose to COMPLETE ME??
No, actually that’s my job. No material object or person will ever complete me or make me feel that kind of love that can only be found beyond the depths of my body, burning like a fire somewhere deep inside my soul. So my next question was, where the hell do I find it?
There are not enough hours in the day to explore my soul, get quiet and listen for the still voice that is going to tell me where that love is…right? And just by chance, if I actually get to hear it then what? How do I know if I am really feeling the love and what if I do, then I loose the connection?
I get it. No one said this would be easy, at least not to me. But I promise it’s there, just waiting for you. Loving you even when you don’t feel it, even when everything seems impossible. It’s that fire within you, buried deep under all the lies you’ve been told about how you should look and who you should be. She’s there, waiting patiently for you to find her. Your Soul. The love you were made from. The part of you, the real you, you came here to be. Where all of you strength and courage is.
She’s there. Get quiet and call out to her. It might take time but you’ll hear her, feel her gentle caress against your skin like the breeze on a warm summer day.
Then when you find her and fill yourself full with your own love you will be amazed how whole and fulfilled you feel.
Until next time,
Much Love
breakingwideopen.com 
It’s true. All I ever heard growing up is that once you are married and then kids come along, you come last. Your needs are no longer important. Believing this you live your life according to the way it’s suppose to be, the way it always has been. Who am I to change the rules!! As a result you grow up feeling that it is your duty to take care of everyone else first and if there is anytime left for yourself than you can take it. The only problem with that idea is that you feel guilty taking time for yourself. You feel selfish almost like how dare I take time for me. The thought of loving yourself – that is foreign territory!! The person you marry or live with should love you right?? Then you go through the time period after having kids where you have put on to much weight and you hate the way you look so you don’t want to look after yourself. You just want to hide in the house. Your body will never be the same in your eyes. You are no longer interested in how you look. How do you love that?? That is a hard thing to do no matter what anyone says. You can look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself but believing it is just impossible. It is hard to give up the safety of self hatred or self loathing to try and let yourself believe that you are worth loving. The only thing to do is take it one day at a time. That in itself can be a challenge. Old habits die hard. I like this blog and hope that as many people as possible will join. We all need each other to change our outlook on what was and what can be.
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A story so many mothers share. It can feel impossible! Thank you for sharing your story and I know the kind of courage that takes. Letting the feelings come out is a first step, not longer being willing to hold it all in. Giving other women permission to share too and so they know they are not alone.
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Beautifully said
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Thank you Robyn!
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I think any mother can relate to this feeling! Its more often than I would like to admit that I have found myself lost the everyday responsibilities of being in a relationship, being a mother and working full time. Sometimes I feel as though I have lost myself…do I even know who I am any more? I am tired, my legs need waxed, my hair colour is grown out 6″, and I desperately need to go bra shopping, yet, here I am at home picking up dishes, dirty socks and spending my entire pay cheque I just worked 2 weeks for, in a matter of minutes. After all I do for everyone else, what do I do for myself? At this point, I don’t know how to answer that.
Great blog, well written 🙂
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I can tell you it’s one step at a time. Choose one thing each day to show yourself you are worth it. Even if it is the smallest gesture, after some time will create new beliefs, good feelings and new behaviours. Have faith this can change. I believe in you, woman to woman.
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I enjoy reading this note enough to copy past it in my notes to re-read it later.
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