In the silence you take my breath away.

When my eyes close, you are near.

I can feel you beside me, holding on so tight.

Your hands are rough just like I remember.

The smell of your skin and the taste of your lips, it all comes flooding back.

You stare into my eyes reaching my soul within seconds. You’ve always seen right through me.

The sound of your voice as you whisper to me. All that you want, all that you need.

For a moment you are here.

So I close my eyes as often as I can.

To have you here with me.

Much Love,

L

After all this time it’s still so hard not to touch you.  It goes against everything my body is telling me.  I wish I knew every thought, every feeling you experience.  Not to save you, not to fix you but that I could walk the journey with you side by side.  I’d go to battle with you, fighting each and every demon that exists within you.  That we could fight our demons together.

I wish you would let me in.

I’ve had glimpses into your soul and never seen anything more beautiful.  I wish you could see what I see.  I cherish each of those moments, hoping you’ve seen the same in me.  We share broken piece’s and found home in one another.  Our love illuminated those severed bits and I was too scared to let you see.

So now I’m building my strength, putting my broken piece’s back together again and putting it out for all to see.  Because we are all perfectly imperfect and I cannot hold it inside anymore. I will look fear in the eye and never run away. I’m learning to do it alone, just for me.  I will not hide again, I won’t shy away.  I’m finally learning to love me.

These are my feelings, this is my heart.  This is my story.

Much Love,

L

As the sky grew dark I became more aware of the fear settling inside me.  I knew the words you were about to utter and that I needed to hear them. You spoke softly to me, sharing your heart and although I wished things were different, it was beautiful.  You were gentle, holding my hand, reasurring me of your love with your touch.  And I listened.

For a brief moment it was just us.

As I watched you walk towards the door as you were leaving, the words please don’t go echoed so loud inside me.  But I could not speak.  I wanted so badly to reach out to you but I was paralized.  I watched you drive away and although I thought it impossible, my heart broke even more.

All I could do was sit in the darkness.  Tears streaming down my face.  My aching heart lepped at every sound, wishing it was you.  Hoping to hear you knocking at my door.  But you never came back.

As I layed in bed there was an emptiness there, stronger than I’ve ever felt.  Like something was missing, not from my bed but from me.  See over our years together somehow you didn’t only find away into my heart but into my bones.  My body was aching. For you, for your touch, for your love.

So tired and hoping for some relief I closed my eyes but all I saw was you.

Something inside startled me, it was 3am.  Your image swirling around me, I could feel you.  I could feel your pain as if it were my own.  I imaged you there beside me, holding you close, feeling your breath on my body.  And then at some point I drifted back to sleep.

Morning came and it hit hard.

Again I wanted to reach out but what would I say, what could I say?

Have we said all we needed to or is there more?

Much Love,

L