I don’t know if I’ve ever known the real me.  The me I was before my soul was tainted by hurt and lies, before I was used as a playground for those who didn’t know how to love.

I can’t remember her,  where I lost her or where she may have gone. I walk around in this body with a shattered soul looking everywhere for her.  I see her pictures and I stare into her eyes, this little stranger who looks like me. I keep the images close but no signs are given to where she may be.

Sometimes I see flashes of her in other women, sometimes I feel her presence in my children but I recognize her most in you.  Maybe that’s why I am still holding you so tight in my heart.  Hoping you will give me the clue.

The memories have been locked away for my protection. I already feel, so deeply her pain while not complettely knowing why it exists. Maybe some of my efforts in still loving you are fueled by me trying to find her, to love her, to heal her.  To bring her home to me. Because of what I see in you.

I don’t know who I was and maybe I will never know. So now I am trying to figure out who I want to be and where I want to go.

Much Love,

L